I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
