she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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