Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
