if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I checked into jail on foursquare
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
