someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i think my cat just said my name.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
