Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
