i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
