so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
