I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
