He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I see more hoeing in ur future
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