I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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