i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
