everyone is single if you try hard enough
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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