His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
