I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
