I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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