Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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