Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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