The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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