Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
