I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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