My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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