i think my mom watched the whole time
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize