I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
