when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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