Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
