If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
