What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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