Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
