dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
