you guys were way drunker than both of me
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize