His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
