So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
