Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
