watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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