i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Randomize
