haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
