idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
