Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
