I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
