Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
