my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
