I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
