two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
