i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
