I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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