your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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