we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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