come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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