where am i from again
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
