She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
