ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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