I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize