It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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