Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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