That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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