woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
