I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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