so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
