his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
