Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
