i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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