whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
