She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
