can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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