Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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