used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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