My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Is it because I queefed?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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