Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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