apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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